Beacon

Do you see, here, my feeble flame?
My efforts wane without your
igniting, sustaining presence.

You are always present,
yet there are moments
when I look away
as though you are not.

What colossal,
nonsensical,
stupidity.

Now,
here I am,
again.

I have returned to this place
I must visit on my knees,
this place where I remember
I cannot without you,
I simply cannot.

What foolishness is this?
I seek to live in my own strength,
my own wisdom,
rather than drawing from
your lavishly given,
endless resources.

I work so hard to achieve,
so furiously to reach goals
my fingers never quite touch,
until dissonance confronts me,
and brings me to my knees,
here, near to you,
again.

Listen to what is deeper,
beyond these long sighs,
hear my soul wanting.

I can only offer what I am.
You know me well.
I am still yours.
Your path is my path,
your ways my ways.
These days past,
all this striving without you,
all this labored hurry,
I put it aside,
I am here with hands open.

You, my first love,
my best love.

Forgive this self-involved heart,
so ferociously independent,
determined to stand invincible
against any odds,
without need,
defying need,
ridiculous, prideful sufficiency.

This heart is not
always a lover's heart,
and its need is great.

Forgive me, Lord,
you are my Lord,
fill me,
consume me,
ignite me,
make me a raging fire,
a beacon to your intimate,
loving, awe inspiring presence,
a beacon to your freely given,
freedom giving
salvation.

Oh how you reach me!
You are good-

Come, now,
again,
set me aflame.

Copyright Joy Chastagner July 2010